Deeper understandings...

continuation from "fuckin' fucked up day post"~~~
after i called him...
(really wanted to cry...)
went to da web...
tried to finish some work...
went into e-buddy...
s came online...
we chatted bout the McD problem...
i asked him why wuznt my frends allowed to be around me when i toked on da phone wid him...
then he sed itz wuz okay...
he kept saying "nvm...forget it"
i hate him for telling me that...
(i cant belive that he's still PISSED AT ME~!!!)
i wanna solve the stupid problem~!!
i felt so desperate...
why dint he want to see me~??
i wuz on da verge on crying...
cyi came online...
told her wad's happening..
when i wuz recalling...
i couldnt help it anymore...
i broke down...
at that time...
s wuz still chatting to me on9...
i asked him if he'd wanna come...
(cuz i'd really wanna see him and solve the problem)
he asked me back: " WHO AM I?"
( i cant belive he'd say that~!!!
wtf... u are my bf rite~??
cant u juz come...will it kill u~?? wad's yur stupid problem~??)
i cried harder~
i told him :"fine, den dun"
then I asked him back: " WHO AM I?"
(am i not yur gf~?)
-silence-
then i apologized...
(i noe its stupid for me to back down...
but i dint wanna fight anymore...
i jus wanna solve it...)
then i told him that he dint understand the situation...
then he said yea... neither did i...
i asked why...(he wuz upset)
then he said that everytime he went into my blog..
he'd be upset...
(then he told me not to ask him cuz he dun wanna tell....in other words he wants me to find it out by myself)
then i tot...
"u kacau me and pick fights wid me when u r upset a lil...
i have to keep everything in when im upset bout stuff...
wtf~!!!"
so...
later he told me that he wuznt happy wid the chatting in da chat box concerning Zhi...
turns out he's jealous that i told zhi i'd be watching him perform that nite and that i wanted to hang over at zhi's hse while waiting 4 da competition to begin....
then i sed...
he's gay...
and s shuttup'ed...
(i tot..if tis is wad he wuz upset wid me and dint choi me 4 da last week...its absoulutely stupid..)
then (to argue) s asked me if it wuz OK if he'd bring a lesbian gal into his hse...
wtf...
then he quickly sed nvm and stuff like that...
its soo stupid...
and i dint noe how to tell him how unhappy i wuz cuz of him...
later~
things cooled down..
s tried to cheer me back up...
MADE me put a smiley in da chat box...
went to see da performance...
missed Zhi's performance...
apologized...but Zhi saw my wreck look...knew wad happen'd...console'd me...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
s & I chatted that night...
he tot it wuz over...
sed somore hurtful stuff like...
"after da pc fair... i wuz a lil upset cuz i had to work and u were out partying (shuffle competition) and stuff..."
" i had no mood to talk to you..."
" and you stressed me up to go out wid u last thursday...like u HAD to see me..."
"i felt like i had no more feelings for you...."
then i said that i admire my frends who can dun see their bf's for as long as 3 weeks...
s said " yea u shud try it... cuz now i can...last time i cant...but now i can"
* i wanted to cry again*
does he really understand how i feel~?
how much more hurtful can it get~??
* im back to square 1*